It hurts when I'm with you. It hurts when I'm not with you.
Things that you do that hurt me.
It hurts so much more just because I can't say it out.
I have to just swallow it and move on.
Yet it is not your fault, as you do not know because I couldn't tell.
And I always had to act like everything is fine.
I wish I could tell, so you could understand my actions.
But I can't. I just, can't. It's not hard to tell you.
But that's the reason why it's so hard keeping it from you.
From what other people see, I shouldn't be hurt by the things you do, considering my position.
But nobody knows what is really going on inside.
The things I wish I could tell you.
From an outsider's view, I would just look like a fool, getting upset and emo suddenly, over nothing.
The secrets inside of me, feels like being stuffed into a cage that doesn't even fit. It's suffocating. Yearning for them to come out, with all my heart.
And even if it manages to come out, it cannot find it's rightful owner.
I'm tired of fighting with myself. There will be no winner, only endless fighting and struggling.
The sorrow that I feel, it's getting too much. It keeps on increasing.
It's affecting my life. Everything in my life.
I don't want to feel sad when I go to bed every night.
I don't want to cry when I'm alone, at night, on my bed, anymore. I'm not afraid to admit that I do, I do, because I love you.
I want to keep a distance from you because I know I might get hurt, but I can't, because I've fallen for you.
It's been broken time and time again. Into so many pieces.
Maybe I shouldn't pick up the pieces and hand it to another person anymore.
Maybe I should just leave the pieces there, and move on, with nothing anymore in my hands.
Then I wouldn't have anything anymore to give.
I do not mind posting this, because I don't wanna keep it all inside anymore.
I don't care what others will say or think about this anymore.
I don't want to hide my feelings anymore.
- 2 Corinthians 6:14 -
Sigh.
God. It really, really hurts.
